Cult Crusade: Flash! AAAAAHH!0

Now I do remember watching Flash Gordon when I was a kid of about six and I can’t remember anything about it. But watching it this week for the first time in twenty years, there’s one thing that stood out to me as something I should have remembered. It’s freaking AWESOME. I can’t believe that I’m even saying that, since it is such an awful movie. It is so dated and has more cheese than Pierce’s diet but as I’m trying to find the words to describe the movie I can’t help but come back to one, awesome.

Even while saying it’s awesome I find it very hard to pick anything in particular about this movie that is good. The script is all over the place with holes larger than a Star Destroyer. For God sake the hero is an American football player and he saves the galaxy in the space of a few days. Even watching the movie I can’t work out how he got from Point A (tool), to point B (Saviour of the Universe). Surely someone else was better for the job. Most of the costumes look like a combination of cooking utensils and body glitter. The terrible dialogue is only made worse by the shitty acting, especially by the two leads who make you groan with every syllable their stupid faces utter. All of that pales in comparison to just how embarrassing the special effects are.  For example the way they show space is to have cloud formation in the background of everything. It gives the movie a unique look but it makes everything faker than….well the cheap sets in the rest of the movie. Basically it’s bad, so very bad.

So what is the big deal about this movie? Why do people still watch a movie that is clearly a product of its time and doesn’t have much to offer today? I can tell you it isn’t Flash Gordon’s gay hairdo or his even gayer tank top. It’s not quite one of those movies which is “So bad, it’s good” even though you do laugh at how bad it is more than you don’t.  It’s just one of those movies that embody the spirit of what people love about sci-fi:

-       It’s arena battles to the death with whips.

-       It’s tests of courage against poisonous aliens.

-       It’s over the top, crazily powerful super villains.

-       It’s epic laser battles with waves of allies and enemies dropping like flies.

-       Okay it isn’t stupid gridiron fights with minions and annoying bitches doing cheerleader moves on the sidelines.

-       But it is last second escapes from exploding fortresses.

The point is that while this is a bad movie, it is great sci-fi. If you’re one of those people who don’t get why Star Wars is so popular, then you’ll have the same problem compounded with this movie. If you’re someone who does get Star Wars, then think of this as what Star Wars could have been if it lacked any kind of direction or budget. It’s one of those films that cry out for a remake. If for know other reason but to try to make it……you know, good.

There are a couple of note worthy things in here. Firstly this movie definitely has its’ own look. There is so much colour to the film, that as I watched I thought the copy I had, had something wrong with it. It’s almost like they were trying to compensate for the 1950’s black and white series. I like the fact that they are not afraid to paint the world like a comic but I think if the remake happens then it will have to be toned down just so the audience could leave the theatre without tasting the movie. Just watch it and you’ll see what I mean, red and gold much. Also Timothy Dulton again. Who knew he did so much more than  James Bond. I am really liking this guy.

Okay here is a big one. This movie introduces one of the best villains ever. MING; Played by Max Von Sydow, who has an astonishing career going back to 1949 and is still making films today. Most recently he appeared in Robin Hood, Wolfman and Shutter Island. He plays one of those villains who is so ridiculous but at the same time comes off as so menacing and (cartoonishly) evil. He’s a combination of The Emperor from Star Wars, Ra from Stargate and an awful asian stereotype. The perfect comic book villain.

But the real hero of this movie is QUEEN. They not only performed the title song but also created the entire score for the movie. I am certain that if QUEEN were not involved this movie would have been long forgotten. On that note I’ll end this, but before you go pay homage to the awesomeness of Freddy Mercury and Queen by watching the Official Flash Music Video

Until next time.

Rowan

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MS4_Z84-rRE&feature=related]