Dunken Misunderstandings0

Sorry to say this is not a review of The Hangover: Part 2. There really isn’t much to say about that movie and what I do have to say has already been said in our last podcast (Listen Here). But I was thinking that there is something about the Hangover movies that speaks to me. It speaks to me the language of alcohol.

I am a drinker, hell I’m a heavy drinker and there have been many occasions that I have felt as bad as the characters in these movies. Not to say that (spoilers) I’ve had sex with a transexual, got a tattoo or stollen a monkey. But there have definitely been those mornings where I’m scared to get up from fear I’ll find out I’ve done something horrible.

An example of this is cleaning up the drunken misunderstanding. The trick is to think before acting and to triple check the information you are presented with. A few months ago I failed to do this and I found a very damaging text conversation between myself and a good female friend of mine from the night before. Her initial text simply read:

“I’m at 7/11 and think I’ve LOST my house keys. I’m going to get a hot dog, I’m so fucking hungry, hope your night is good.”

But in my drunken state I read it as:

“I’ve got season 1-7 of LOST, I’m going to watch it and fuck you with a hot dog, hope your night is good.”

For some reason the last few words of a text are always the only clear part. Now I know this probably says way too much about me or maybe it just illustrates just how drunk I was, but the first thing that I noticed was that this friend of mine was under the impression that their are 7 seasons of Lost when everyone knows there are only 6. I even felt it necessary to correct her on this before I could address her about the issue of the service station food sodomy. Needless to say the conversation went down hill from here, a conversation I’m still trying to explain to this day.

Still, as I see it, surviving the night is the easy part, it’s surviving the morning that is a true test of ones character. Firstly there is always something that gets you up way to early. Sometimes it’s an alarm you forgot to turn off the day before. Sometimes it’s an idiot friend calling to ask that question that makes you loose faith in humanity, “are you up yet”. If you could reach through the phone and bite into their eye-socket you would. Then there is the most annoying and indestructible wake up call of all, THE SUN. A relentless bitch as I’ve ever known, you can never turn off the sun, no matter how far you reach, no matter how much you cry, the sun will always best you. Even finding some kind of shield for your face, you are just delaying your inevitable consciousness. Now in an emergency, consciousness is generally a good thing. But not this morning. This is the morning you wake to the world of the Road Warrior. It’s dog eat dog scavengers existence. Everyman for himself fighting over the scarce resources left in this house, unit or hovel. If you wake up alone pray yourself lucky. Nothing is more tragic or pathetic then beating another survivor to death over a tap of water or the last crust in a pizza box. I’ve seen a man sell his girlfriend for a place in a bathroom line, or a profiteer handing out bottles of power-aid for hundreds of dollars or collectors edition dvd box sets. It gets very ugly and inhuman as it gets, you have to do to stay alive. ………………………………… i’m starting to think this could be a movie. Anyway I forgot where I was going with this. Maybe that’s because I’ve had a couple of drinks. The Irony.

So enjoy your drinks but stay safe. Ready yourself water and food for the morning. Try to find a bed to sleep in. But most importantly remember everytime someone says “I will never drink again,” a beer fairy dies.

Till next week.

Rowan

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